Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your SEO

Author: Gab Goldenberg

10. Why yes, those viahra footer links will rank our kids’ toys site higher.

9. We’re experts in the three types of link: the reciprocal link, the paid link and the chainlink.

8. Of course it’s normal for link counts to change day-to-day by +/- 50,000.

7. This will cost you your time, money and sanity.

6. We follow the Google Webmaster Guidelines. ;D

5. Some killer link sources we access include the Cafepress used panties store.

4. Our SEO team leader is a pro who speaks at numerous conferences. His name is Jason Calacanis.

3. Your report? What report? (Via Acquisio bid management‘s Marc Poirier.)

2. We source content from professionals, like Paris Hilton and Ron Jeremy.

1. We tripled your traffic! We’re now ranking for “Infant Porn”!

If you liked this post, add my feed to your rss reader! Kudos also to Tamar Weinberg, Matt Inman, Rebecca Kelley, and Brian Hancock for their help and feedback!


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  1. Very funny and useful article for those people who look for professionals, but they unfortunately find people who pretend to be Search Engine Optimization "experts". In our litle city there are many web/seo/sem agencies, but only few of these are really really reliable. P.S.: "the reciprocal link..." :D :D :D

    Comment by Sla - July 29, 2009 @ 2:39am
  2. That's pretty funny. My favorite is #3. Warmest, Jonathan

    Comment by ThreeMoneyMethods Online - July 29, 2009 @ 2:59am
  3. LOL :)

    Comment by Eduard Blacquière - July 29, 2009 @ 4:42am
  4. Glad you liked it guys!

    Comment by Gabriel Goldenberg - July 29, 2009 @ 11:00am
  5. #9. Actually, Paid Links, done right (so far under the radar that you're actually in a submarine) CAN work wonders. Grey/Black Hat for sure - but done correctly they can crush. Or so I've heard. 2. Will get (unique) content written by Paris Hilton and Ron Jeremy..? Sign me up! Anything unique from a celebrity is gold, no matter who it is or what they're willing to jot down on a napkin for you. Even cooking tips from Paris Hilton, who may not even know how to use a toaster, would bring a whack of inbound links and buzz. But yeah - still a great and amusing post! :)

    Comment by Steve - July 29, 2009 @ 11:53am
  6. I quite agree, Steve, n glad you enjoyed this! Also, not sure if you know who Ron Jeremy is, but you might wanna google him ;). Paris is mentioned with him for a reason.

    Comment by Gabriel Goldenberg - July 29, 2009 @ 12:06pm

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